Understanding
by shelubbsu
Summary: she saw the figure standing in the darkness. The figure turned with a swagger, and when the face came into the light outside her door, she understood and nodded, opening her house to him. DickVeronica OOC warning Post Season 2 Finale
1. Collide

** Hey guys.I really wanted to do a Veronica Mars story, so here it is. I know that Dick / Veronica arent a very likely pair, but i sorta like the idea :D so i hope you guys do as well. **

**Disclaimer: Sadly Veronica Mars doesnt belong to, but to Rob Thomas, who is a god. but i can call the plot mine :D**

_** Even the best fall down sometime  
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme  
Out of the doubt that fills my mind  
I somehow find  
You and I collide**_

**_- Collide _by Howie Day**

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Veronica woke up. Beads of sweat lined her forehead. She looked at her alarm clock. It flashed the time back at her. It was 3:24 in the morning. In the darkness, the red flashing neon numbers were her only source of light. She pulled the covers back and got out of bed to get a glass of milk. That would put her to sleep. She walked into the kitchenette and opened the fridge. When the cold hit her, she wished she had worn warmer pyjamas. She got out the milk, and turned on the stove. Pouring the milk into the saucepan, she put it on the stove, waiting for it to warm up. A strange sense of loneliness overcame her. Keith was out on another out of town investigation, and she was left in the house with Backup. 'Beaver thought he had no reason to live'. She grinned sarcastically into the night at the thought. 'But how his suicide affected us. We all needed him more than he knew. Dick needed him the most. He needed someone he could mess around with. He needed someone who would be there, just in case he thought life was getting serious. Most of all, he needed his brother. She didn't think she had seen anyone break this much before. Not Logan when Lilly died. Not her when everyone she leaned on left her side. Never anyone. 'Who would've thought, Dick breaking because his punching bag was gone'. Again she smiled humourlessly into the darkness. She walked over to the stove and took the milk off it. She put it in a glass, and started to drink it when she heard it. The first knock. She thought it was her imagination playing games with her, but she heard it again. She looked at Backup. One of his eyes opened and one ear went up into the air. She walked over to the door and opened it cautiously. 

"Hello?" Her voice seemed to echo, until she saw the figure standing in the darkness. The figure turned with a swagger, and when the face came into the light outside her door, she understood and nodded, opening her house to him. He was muttering but Veronica could pick up the slur in his words.

"You're drunk!" she exclaimed. The figure could only nod at her in response.

"I had the dream again," he said "the one where he jumps off, and his words come floating up at me. He said that I was the reason. Oh, Veronica, if only I had treated him better, he wouldn't have jumped. He wouldn't have jumped if I had treated him like a brother!" He dissolved into tears.

"Shhh, Dick, its ok, it wasn't your fault" Veronica took him in her arms as he leaned against her. Walking backwards slowly she lead him to her couch, all the time whispering 'shh, its ok'. Her knees hit the edge of the couch and she fell back, taking him with her. He lifter his legs, so his head was in her lap.

"I had that dream. I had that dream. I could've saved him. I could've saved him Veronica, but I didn't." He kept mumbling the same thing over and over again. She stroked his blonde hair, his forehead. The action made him drowsy, and slowly he fell into a peaceful sleep. 'Well, you're gonna wake up with one hell of a hangover Dick' she thought to herself. Looking down into his face Veronica could no longer see the dumb surfer who acted just like his name. Lines had etched themselves onto his face, and she could see that he had matured after his brother's death. He looked older than he should have, they all did. She used the peace to reflect on all that had happened in the past few weeks.

Mac had been the person other than Dick who had been hit hard. She would never be the same. Veronica shook her head. Cassidy took a piece of her with him. When she had found her, shivering, she knew that Mac had loved him. And that's what he did with her love. Took everything. He took her heart, and her innocence. Her first love, ever.

Logan distanced himself. He made himself immune, just like Veronica once had. They tried to work with their relationship, but put it on hold. They had lots to work out, and they wanted to get over Cassidy's death in their own way. They both agreed to take a break. Soon, all anyone saw of him was the odd message left on their cell phone, saying 'don't try to find me, I just need some time'. And after that, nothing. No contact number, no nothing.

She herself had been hit pretty hard. When the realisation came that that night she could've been a murderer, it slapped her in the face. She didn't go into seclusion like she did when Lilly was murdered. Just some quiet time. And then the dreams started coming. When she had killed Beaver, and then been charged for murder. She was being walked down the schools hallway, and everyone had lined up on the sides and was either laughing at her or turning their faces away trying to hide the glares. Finally as she came to the end of the hallway she saw Dick and Logan looking at her, making finger guns. Logan simply said 'I didn't know you had it in you. Veronica Mars, a killer? Who would've thought?' and suddenly their finger guns became real ones and they fired. She saw the bullet in slow motion, and just as it was about to hit her in the head, she woke up. The dreams kept coming. Over and over again. And every night she would wake up at exactly 3:24, her clock flashing the red digits back at her.

Suddenly, Dick started tossing and turning. Startled, Veronica looked down at his face. He looked like he was in pain, his face creasing up and looking an ashen white. She started stroking his hair again, and slowly he eased up and went back to sleep. Veronica leaned down and brushed a kiss across his forehead and closed her eyes, trying to catch some sleep as well.

Dick could've sworn he felt something brush his soul.

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**Im not really the one to go asking for a set of reviews before the next chapter comes up, but I would like to know that my efforts are being appreciated. Please review, and I will promise to update soon. And I hate doing this, but I would like at least 3 reviews before the next one goes up. **

**anyway, i hope you liked the first chapter**

**much love**

**SuR **


	2. Iris

**OMG, I have to say Im amazed that I got more than 3 reviews and I hearily agree with all of you, there is just NOT enough dick/veronica out there. Anyway, you all reviewed for the next chapter and here it is. I forgot to mention what time it was when Dick gets up-its about 5:30 am. anyway, on with it.  
**

_**And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am**_

**_Iris _by The Goo Goo Dolls **

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**Veronica POV **

Many people would be surprised to see Dick like this. I mean, everyone thought of Dick as the blonde surfer dude who couldn't form a coherent sentence of more than 4 words. They didn't know it was a cover up. We knew the real Dick. When it was Duncan and me, Logan and Lilly, and Madison and Dick. We used to be the 'it' group. We stuck together and we made a front face for the 09'rs. And then it happened. Lilly was murdered, Duncan broke up with me, Logan became the jackass, Madison dumped Dick and became Miss Bitch, and Dick joined Logan and became the blonde surfer dude who couldn't form a coherent sentence of more than 4 words. Life as we knew it was gone forever. Things never went back to normal.

Dick used to soft and sweet, and he cared for Madison. A lot. Sadly it was one sided. We used to be friends, Dick and me. We could (and we would) tell each other almost everything. So when Duncan broke up with me, and I went to talk to Dick, I was shocked to see how cold (and dumb) he was acting. Like he never talked to me. Logan was the same, but Dick…he came as a shock.

After Cassidy's death, he went back to being (almost) the old Dick, the soft and sweet and sensitive one I had known before. It was hard, since I was no longer the soft and sweet and sensitive either, but I probably mentioned the fact that this wasn't the first times the dreams were happening. They weren't, not only for me. This wasn't the first time Dick had turned up at my door, but it was the first time that he went at got wasted and turned up at my door. Now we have this unspoken bond, he doesn't tell and I don't tell. Not my dad, not even Wallace. There was definitely more to Dick than everyone thought there was.

**Dick POV **

I opened my eyes, and shut them almost immediately. I tried to adjust to the light streaming in from the window, and slowly took in where I was. Oh god, I had landed up at the Mars' again. I looked up at Veronica. Her head was lolled to one side; one arm was around my chest and the other on my hair. My face was snuggled into her stomach. Suddenly, a wave of nausea swept over me. I slowly detangled from her arms and got up. She body fell forwards, so I lifted her legs and straightened her out so that she was lying on the couch. It was amazing that she hadn't got up throughout the whole process. It was then that I noticed her eyes; she had big bags underneath, and her skin looked pale. I could see she hadn't slept in weeks. Another wave of nausea swept over me and I almost ran to the bathroom, where I then threw up. After cleaning up, I felt the pounding in my head. Damn, I wondered where she kept the aspirin. I looked around in the bathroom cupboards and found some, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Finally, after I took the medicine, the headache reduced. I saw a door, and I knew it was off limits but I couldn't help myself. I walked into Veronica's room. And, boy, had it changed.

The last time I had been here was with Logan, Lilly, Madison and Duncan. We were waiting for Veronica to finish up with her dad in the living room. It had looked so different back then. We were all so different back then. Right now, this room had no memories or indication of the old Veronica. No pictures, no nothing.

I heard something fall from the front. I ran out of her room, and saw it was her leg that had knocked something over. She was shivering and mumbling. I went back into her room, and grabbed the blanket and tossed it over my shoulder. The room was bare, with only a desk, a bed and a dresser with a mirror that had a few odd pictures. The room had a stark look, surprisingly like Veronica. A strange sense of guilt passed over me, and I realised that I had played a big part in Veronica becoming this way. It was partly my fault that she had a hard outer shell. I couldn't even imagine how she would've felt when I had just abandoned her. I remembered how close we used to be back in the day. She would tell me about everything, and I would tell her about everything. And one day, when Logan told me and all the other 09'rs that Veronica was no longer part of us and we were supposed to make her life hell, we just followed. We didn't question him we just followed. I looked over at the dresser, and what used to be decorated with pictures of us six was now decorated with pictures of her, Wallace and Mac. There was one picture of her and Logan, and there was a corner sticking out from the back. I pulled at the corner, and a picture came out. It was of us six this one time when we spent the entire day at the beach. We looked so happy, and Veronica had one arm around Duncan's shoulder and the other around my back. She had longer hair then, and didn't look like she had very much attitude back then. I couldn't take the rush of memories coming in my head, and I walked out to the living room. Taking the blanket off my shoulder and made my way over to the couch. I covered her up so she wouldn't feel cold anymore. I was just tucking her in on the side when a pair of arms encircled my shoulders and she turned me to face her.

"Stay with me…" she whispered. I was surprised but I didn't question it. Realising that there wasn't nearly enough place on the couch for both of us, I put my arms under her knees and her back and picked her up bridal style, blanket and all. Her arms went around my neck immediately and she looked just as shocked as I was at my own actions. I kicked the door to her bedroom open and laid her down on the bed and then climbed in with her. She looked so innocent and I was reminded of the night at Shelly's party. Wave after wave of guilt passed over me, because I knew I was the reason everything happened to her that night. I had forced Beaver to 'be a man'. I couldn't believe my idiocy. I think she was reliving the moment as well, the look on her face was enough. For a minute the tension in the room was thick enough to be cut with a knife, and I think she realised the sort of position we were in. She turned to me, leaning on her side.

"Thank you…" she whispered and then proceeded to put one hand over my stomach and snuggle up to my side, curled up like a ball. I turned so I was on my side as well, and just stared at her. Finally I relaxed and let an arm fall around her back in a protective way. She closed her eyes as did I. My mouth moved into a slight smile when I felt her relax against me and at that point I was sure that we would have a peaceful, uninterrupted sleep for the first time in quite a few weeks.

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**Welll?if you liked it let me know by reviewing**

**and I wont ask for a specific number of reviews this time**

**im just happy knowing that im adding to the greatness of dick/veronica out there**

**loves you very much**

**SuR**

**PS: push the button \/\/\:) **


	3. Chasing Cars

**hello there. yesh, i am back. yes, i know i deserve to be shot, but trust me theres SO much going on here. and i felt so bad just abandoning this story :(, but hey, im here now right? WITH A NEW CHAPPIE! and i know you guys heart me for it right? lol, well i worked really hard on this. Theres more, but im making it a new chapter. so here you go, DiVe forever:**

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_**If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with lie and  
Just forget the world?**_

_** Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol **_

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Something was burning. I opened my eyes, and realised that it was just the sun falling across my face. God, what time was it anyway? The red figures on her clock blinked back at me. 12:03. I guess that explained the bright sunlight filtering in through the gap in the curtains. The events of last night came rushing back in my head. The dream. Going to the graveyard. Shattering the bottle of vodka against his gravestone. Walking to the pub. Almost getting run over. Getting completely trashed. Coming to Veronicas. Explaining to her again. Falling asleep. Waking up halfway through the night. Putting her in her bed. Falling to sleep with her. My head was left in a whirl. I looked down at Veronica. My arm was around her and her legs were tangled in mine. 'She's been through so much.' She looked so vulnerable. So innocent. Her eyelashes fluttered open, and she sensed that I was awake. 

"Morning" she whispered, half awake. I smiled back at her.

"Thanks, you know, for last night. No one else would've done that for me"

"Don't say that, don't you dare say that, Dick"

She was now fully awake, and her eyes were full of something I couldn't quite recognise.

"There are loads of people in this world who care about you. Logan cares about you! He might not be here to show it, but you know he does," her voice quietened. "I'm always here for you, you know that right? Whenever you need to talk, I'm here. I'll always be here."

I nodded. Her face changed, and suddenly there was a hardness in her eyes, and there was calm anger in her voice.

"If you knew that, then do you mind explaining to me why you turned up at my door COMPLETELY TRASHED? And don't lie to me Dick, why did you turn to alcohol." Her voice became softer, it does that a lot, and her eyes did the same. "If you knew you could come to me why didn't you?" The hurt in her voice was evident. I knew that as soon as Logan came back I would kill him. She took so sensitively to everyone leaving her. Logan left her, just when she needed him to need her. He left her. Seeing her like this made me feel that I could never forgive him for that. The sudden movement from her shook me from my thoughts. She had turned her back to me.

"I know I shouldn't have gone there, but V, you have to understand. I tried so hard not to let it affect me, but I guess Beav made more of an impression on me when he died than when he was alive huh?" I gave a humourless laugh. She turned back to me and this time any hurt, anger, or anything else was gone from her eyes.

"Dick, Beav loved you. I know he did. What he did was unforgivable, but I know he loved you. If you ever want to talk to me, I meant what I said. I'm always here." With that she tried to get up, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

"Ready now?"

Her hand came up to my arm, and she looked me straight in the eye.

"Are you sure you want to do this now?"

"I'm sure" I replied. And then I proceeded to tell her everything. I told her about what had run through my mind when I saw the police surrounding the hotel. I told her about how much I just wanted to run away and hide when I saw his casket lying there. I told her how I was on autopilot when they asked me to say a few words. I told her about how much it hurt me to see people looking at me as if to say, 'you're bullshitting. Everything you say is a lie. You messed him up. What would you know about your brother. You barely knew him'.

By the end of it, Veronica was on the verge of tears, and she just hugged me tightly, and I hugged her back.

"There, I've gone and ruined your morning" I said jokingly. She just glared at me, but her face soon cracked into a smile.

"There was something else I wanted to talk to you about" I pulled the picture I'd found of us earlier. She looked at it, then back at me and it was written all over her face that she wanted to ask me where I'd got it from, but she didn't and looked back at the picture again.

"We looked so happy, Dick, so content. What happened to us? How did we change so much? Where did these people go?" She looked at me again. I remained silent for a while. She closed her eyes, as if she was reliving it all over again.

"I'm not that person anymore" she whispered, the sorrow evident in her voice.

"Neither are any of us. We all changed V, and look where we would be if we hadn't." I paused, and then for old times sake, I said in my joking voice "I mean, look at me, I dreamt of scoring all those girls, and now look at me, living the dream!" I grinned, but that soon fell as she gave me the look. Did I mention Veronica Mars is one SCARY pixie?

After we laughed for a bit, remembering the old days, she got up and pulled aside the curtains.

"OOW, light, it burns! It buuuurrrrnnnns!!!"

"Oh stop being such a baby Dick Casablancas!"

I felt something hit my face. I opened my eyes to rough towelling.

"Go take a shower, and make sure the smell of alcohol disappears" she said to me in that strange, commanding way that she has managed to master.

"Yes mommy!"

Next thing I knew I was being hit by a pillow. And I just couldn't resist throwing one back. And before we knew it, there was a full-fledged pillow fight going on. I finally got the imp pinned under me, and we both stated to stop our laughter. She closed her eyes and just lay there for a minute, and when they opened, they were wide with shock at the position we were in. If anyone had walked in at that point, well, lets just say it would've looked terribly wrong. She reached for the towel and shoved it at me. I got off of her and went outside. It was then I realised that I didn't know where the shower was. I turned around and hit my head on the door frame, and my hair got tangled in the hinges. I looked helplessly at her, and she, obviously amused at my look, burst out laughing and pointed me along.

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**well? love it? hate it?**

**i was really worried about the mood change, i hope that went smoothly for you guys**

**review and I LOVE YOU all  
new chappie coming really soon, I promise!**

**sur.xx**


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